Yep, we're bustin' our buttons over here.
Folks have been approaching my husband and asking if it's true.
Yep.
It. Is. True.
We are the proud owners of 5 goats that luv to run fer tha hills!
And it got reported to the po.
AND it made the police blotter in our local newspaper.
That's our goaties!
Wild and loose!
Born free!
No amount of electricity can fence them in!
"Five goats were in the road on Fourth Parallel Road."
Now THAT mystery is solved...but there are others.....
{dark, sinister music here..}
that were reported to the police over the last day or two...
maybe you will be the one who solves the crime!
Read on...
A man with a flashlight was walking back and forth on Chestnut St.
My theory: He was looking for his goats.
A glove reportedly was lying in the street near a black Jetta with its driver door partially ajar on Alaska Avenue.
My theory: Aliens.
A person reported that a vehicle parked at the high school was covered in mud and may have been mudding.
My theory: Yep...and now them boys are askin'..."whatcha gonna do 'bout it mister?"
Leather working equipment and chaps reportedly were stolen on Creek Rd.
My theory: Aliens. Cowboy aliens.
A person appeared to be asleep in the back of a vehicle parked at the railroad tracks.
My theory: Yep...looks like a crime is being committed.
A woman reported that juveniles put a latch over the door to her business on First Street and she was unable to get out.
My theory: ROFL...I don't know! Juvenile aliens??
A man reportedly entered a business on Pine St. through the front door asked what time it was, and then left through the back door.
My Husband's theory: He needed to program his terrorist bomb.
A man reportedly entered a business on Main St., asked for a cup of ice, then took a cigarette out of the ashtray outside the business.
My theory: When the authorities ask for people to call in suspicious activity...this ain't it.
A man entered a business on Main St. and looked around for cameras.
My theory: This is exactly why we don't know what aliens look like...they have a front man looking for the cameras.
A man reportedly was seen looking into the window a house on Brook St. and when asked what he was doing, he said he was looking for his dog.
My question: Why weren't you neighborly and offer to help him find his dog? ;P
A person on Cherry Lane reported that people have been telling their dog to attack the person's cat.
My theory: Ha ha! Hey, in your neighborhood, it's not news that your neighbors hate your cat...I've seen the betting pool.
Loud rap music was reported on Second Ave. and the reporting party said it was being played to annoy the reporting party after they got in an earlier dispute over a dog.
My theory: Thems fightin' words....???
A man reported that his car alarm went off.
My theory: Perhaps we have some mischievous garden gnomes!? Oh, yeah that's silly...it's probably just those aliens.
A man carrying a five gallon bucket reportedly was crossing the highway and the reporting party was concerned it might be oil and he would dump it in the water.
I say: Sir, obviously you've spotted some type of criminal activity...why don't you just ask the guy what he's up to? You're nervous? Well, then, just take your mace with you.
A man reportedly sprayed himself in the face with Mace.
I say: Never mind.
Two people reportedly were sitting inside a vehicle on North Avenue and turning the inside light on and off several times.
My theory: Some people don't recognize a bit of fun...even when it's flashing in their face!
Well, these were real calls made to the police
by real people
about their very real suspicions
and I have mocked them all....
My work here is done.
