Missing my Left Arm

Recently, at a meeting, a friend approached me and commented on how dear my Rose is to her. When she asked me how I was doing without my Rose, suddenly, tears filled my eyes (oh dear).  I replied that it was like my left arm was gone.

In fact, there are times that I forget that she is gone and look around for her or wonder where she is at. Dinners seem lopsided because she's not there at the table. Every time I get silverware out, I am reminded that I must get out 4 sets, not 5.  When we all get in the car, I expect to hear her voice floating up to me from the back seat, but it's not there. Her "spot" on the couch is always empty.  I sit there sometimes when I think about her. My son will walk around calling himself "Rose" or "Dr. Rose" in the 3rd person.  I start to tell him to stop 'using her name in vain', because this always annoyed her, but stop myself when I realize that this is his way of saying that he misses her.  Her kitty, Snuggles, is restless.  Her bedroom door never moves.

Yet, at the same time, I have tremendous peace in my heart because I believe she is in the right place. In the pictures she posts on Facebook her face is so full of joy and smiles that suddenly, I feel full of joy for her.  Her spiritual growth is evident by the emails she sends me, the things she says when we Skype, and by those pictures on Facebook. She is surrounded by amazing, godly young people who have positive attitudes. My 'Rose in the Wilderness' song does not describe her now, because she is with thousands of other young people all pretty much like her.  Her sweet, glowing face, that seemed so singular here at home, is now in the midst of a plurality of sweet, glowing faces.  


This email was posted on my 'Dog Project' folder recently:

Hey Monica, I am losing my memory I think.  Didn't Marissa say she wouldn't do dog bowl Sunday?  I thought we talked her into judging but not dog bowl.  I don't know why I have such a hard time keeping track this year!  -Kim

My friend Kim was pretty busy getting all the Dog 4H kids ready for the state fair.


After reading this comment, I was thinking about how Kim had a daughter leaving for college as well.  I decided to let her know that she was not alone in her 'condition.'  So, I butted in to her conversation with another leader and replied;


Kim, Kim, Kim,   It's called "senioritis,"  a common virus amongst American high school seniors....you obviously were exposed by your senior and are infected.  I was exposed by my resident senior as well and have sadly contracted this "senioritis."  I hear the cure is as follows: 1)  drop off the offending senior to their college  2)  spontaneous bouts of tears will commence  3) copious amounts of chocolate will need to be consumed (Dr.'s orders!!) and an outrageous appetite for ice cream will follow--but don't panic...because you're getting closer....4) after you mail out your 3rd ginormous check...your "Senioritis" WILL be replaced with a tremendous urge to PUSH your child to STUDY!  You, dear "Mama," will be restored to normalcy: your brains, your home, and your car will become as they once were: yours.  Sadly, your wallet will never be the same-but consider this the 'rebirth' of your child.   It's a rather large sum, but surely you wil rejoice when you realize are now the proud mother of a college freshman!  Ta Da! 


It made her laugh! It cheered her up and some other moms as well because she shared it with them.  In turn, it cheered me up as well. When I took my eyes off of myself, saw my daughter's happy college life, and encouraged another Mom, well...I was happy.  And yet, I still miss my left arm.  Of course!  She's my child.  But, I praise God for technology that permits me to peek into her daily life to reassure me that she is in the right place and that all is well.  She is happy and loves the Lord.  She is healthy and well adjusted.  What more could a parent desire for their child?