Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Police Blotter: A Typical Thanksgiving Weekend Here.

In our town, the recent Thanksgiving holiday and weekend was an unnaturally busy time of feasting, hunting, and merry making.  Our local newspaper, in it's tradition of excellence, captured the moments beautifully.

THE VISITORS....came in cars and parked them...
It looks like a lot of folks had plenty of family and friends around their table for Thanksgiving Dinner.  With so many visitors to our fair county, the congestion not only made for crowded conditions along roadways...it also added to the busyness of such an important day.
*A pickup reportedly was blocking a lane of travel on Pearl St.
*A truck with a camper towing a trailer was parking in a turn around.
*Vehicles were blocking driveways on Forest Service Rd 5400 near the pass.
*A vehicle was blocking a driveway on Brooks Road.
Just like everyone else, I too get annoyed when I can't drive down the middle of the road.  But why git a bee in yer bonnet when you KNOW it's a holiday? 


Of course, getting off to the event was the other half of the confusion around town...
*A woman left her residence and locked it, but when she returned it was unlocked.  When she left again for Thanksgiving dinner and returned, it was unlocked again.

*A door to a residence was left open on River Ave.
I don't want to seem unreasonable here, but why report this?  It had stopped snowing.


THE BIG MEAL...was on everyone's minds...
Of course, turkey is what Americans normally eat at their Thanksgiving Dinner.  But, around here a lot of folks like a nice hunk of deer or elk meat instead.

*People were shooting at elk and shot one in the roadway.   
Yee haw!  That's pretty clever thinkin'.  It beats packing the meat out. 


*Two loud gunshots were heard.
Clearly, some city folks still think that meat comes from the grocery store.


*A deer carcass was dumped in a driveway on Creek Road.  
Okay, here is where the local paper gets all liberal on us.  The term is "presented"...the deer carcass was presented  to the widow lady.  That was quite neighborly.  A lot of folks git generous this time of year-that or their freezer is full.


*People on quads were harassing elk on Robins Road.  
Yeeesss, "harassing" the elk.  Everyone knows that adrenaline makes the meat taste wrong. This has to be an amateurish attempt to ride an elk.  Most folks around here suspect that someone was secretly practicing fer the bull riding at the ro-dee-o.  Just sayin.'  


*A driver struck a deer.  
I hope this incident learned him right quick.  Folks, clean your gun each and every time you use it.  One fine day, you may find yourself in a 'fast-food' type of situation such as this one.   It was only quick thinking that saved Thanksgiving Dinner for this fellow.  It may have wrecked his car though.

Some fellows are better at eatin' than huntin'.
*A person reported that someone shot a raccoon on Creek Rd.
*A second person reported that someone shot a raccoon from their vehicle on Creek Road.
Notice that one of these "hunters" didn't even bother ta get out of his car.  I'll bet if you go and look at his barnyard, he's got the truck up on three blocks instead of the standard four.

As usual, our cowboys around here are gentlemen and won't hear of a woman soiling her pretty little hands doing the dishes.
*A man tried to push a woman out of a house on River Road.
Some ladies have a harder time than others leaving the menfolk to their duties.

KEEPIN' TRACK OF THE RELATIONS...is sometimes a difficult task...
*Three young males were being disorderly on Chestnut St.
tsk. tsk.

A lot of folks passed through town to git to their Thanksgiving Day celebration.  It's good for our town's economy because some of them stop for food or gas.   Sometimes, though, they leave more than their money in town....
*A man with long hair and a beard was yelling at people inside a business on University Way and talking about the end of the world and telling them they all were going to die.
I haven't heard if anyone has claimed this poor guy yet.  I have heard speculation that he was 'accidentally' left behind by a family passing thru town.  At some point, they are gonna have to head home and come back thru here.  I just hope they pick him up.  He's needing a bath already.


*A person wanted to know why a person is allowed to yell inside a store on Water St. and scare his children.
Son, you must be new around these here parts.  That's Kevin.  I am not sure why you felt the need to tie up our emergency line with your petty, little complaint.  Only call in the serious stuff...city man! 
 
That's all folks.  
Thanksgiving is over.   

Sad faces?  
Well, cheer up!

 It's officially the Christmas season now!!

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